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« photo friday + a brief project update | Main | growth »

January 16, 2009

Comments

Karen

I'm here. I'm with you all the way. My view from the other side, after struggling through the all-consuming baby/toddler years to revive and affirm my "value" through work. There is no need to make a decision, no need to wade through the emotional conflicts right now, no need to saddle yourself with more burden, the burden of success or failure or even economic break-even. There is time for all these things, in time, and at the right time, which will reveal itself in unexpected opportunity, collaboration, partnership and ease. Let the future come to you. It won't take as long as you think. You are not losing or wasting your time. You can relax and see how it goes.

Trust me. Trust yourself. Trust your Thea. She will show you the way.

Love.

Kelly

Hey, first off, I can SO relate to the dog driving you mad. Try making rilo about 4 times his size and then make 2 of him. And then shrink him and make a 3rd. Ok so my mini rilo is pretty easy other than her seizures and expensive medical stuff. The other 2 are either smarter than me, or incredibly stupid. I couldn't find them last night at dinner time (needed them to clean up after Amanda's pasta-is-confetti party) and they didn't come. I went in the back thinking maybe they were stuck in the side yard cuz they're retarded. I could hear them but couldn't find them. somehow they got into the neighbors yard...by magic. they didn't jump. I couldn't find the loose board until this morning, when they were out there AGAIN. stupid idiots.
and as far as child care goes...well I've been dealing with daycare for 5 years now so I hear you. I'm really used to it and its no biggie for me now and they positively thrive there but it was hard at first. In the end, once you get used to it (when you eventually do it) she will love it and be stimulated in NEW ways and it WILL be good for you to rediscover who Nikole is outside of mommy-hood...the quest for which and reality of has kind of overshadowed much of your personal interests. Such is motherhood. But you will be ready when you are ready to venture back into your own sphere of self. It will come. You have the desire, despite your conflicting emmotions. You have a purpose. It will come in its time. Things will fall into place...studio, childcare, financial stuff...
I'm excited for you.
its funny because I totally have the opposite "problem" you have. I hit the "publish" button without even reading LOL!!!
be patient with things and yourself.
(and I just ran my self clean oven a couple weeks ago and DAMN it about poisoned us! LOL so the kiln smell was a vivid description for me. ugh!)

tekeal

hi. it seems to me that all your feelings and concerns and heart-mind questions are just part of the evolving story of being a woman who's a mom and artist and partner (and and ) in this world... how lucky you are to have a supportive partner in your life to support you in this process. it's all ok, you'll find your way. give yourself space.

Jen Lee

Nikole,
Thanks for your honesty. I think many of us have these same inner struggles, and just seeing the trailer for "Who Does She Think She Is" normalized a lot of that for me--helped me see that this struggle is somehow part of the package of weaving together a mothering life and a creative life.

One thing that has REALLY helped me though is the observation that Jen Lemen shared with me about how we impose unrealistic expectations on artists. If someone said they wanted to be a doctor and they were pursuing that dream, NO ONE in our culture would expect them to support themselves with that for 8 years (or longer). With my own work, she encouraged me to give myself a residency period--to work this expectation into my marriage, too. To say, as with any specialized profession, I'm going to be "in school" for a while, and then I'm going to be in a "residency". This has helped me tremendously, and may be relevant for you as you're framing in your mind your own learning, experimenting and expansion times.

Nikole

Thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.

Jen - Thanks for this new perspective. I like this way of framing my work and my process. It is great that my husband is so supportive of me being in this space. Now I have to find a way to give *myself* permission to be here. I'm certain that learning to set realistic expectations for myself is one of my life lessons.

Karen - Your words were the very ones that my heart needed to hear at this moment.

Tekeal - Thanks so much for confirming that I am not alone on this journey.

Kelly - I love how different we are, yet we continually find ways to understand and support each other.

Thank you all!

patience

just nodding and listening to all the wisdom in you and surrounding you now...peace my friend.

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