clearframe

show + tell tuesday

This week, most of my creative time has been spent filling orders (thank you!). I did, however, have a chance to come up with a few designs inspired by that day of love that's coming up next month. Here's a peek at what I've been working on:

"for all days" necklace

Pour tous jours, or "for all days" in French, is the phrase John and I have engraved in our wedding rings. It's such a sweet phrase, I thought I would share it.


love. period. necklace, two hugs and two kisses necklace, and another love necklace



itty bitty heart necklace

I've also been working on some new enameled pieces. Learning this new medium is really making my heart sing.



Up next: chicken soup and a stuffed lamb for Thea.

How have you been expressing your creativity this week?

If you're up for sharing, leave me a link so I can see what you've been up to!

grateful monday

clouds in an evening sky

My heart is filled to the brim with gratitude on this cold and cloudy Monday. Today...

I am grateful for snowflakes.

I am grateful for unexpected visits from old friends (hi, Kate!).

I am grateful for my first full night of sleep in over 9 months.

I am grateful for the opportunity to celebrate historic occasions with dear friends.

I am grateful for hot soup and crusty bread.

I am grateful for strangers who open doors for a new mama with a squirmy baby in her arms.

I am grateful for nighttime nursing and a baby who falls asleep in my arms.

I am so, so grateful to be Thea's mama, always.

What are you feeling grateful for today?

habits + change

 

clothespins hanging on the line

Since deciding to approach this new year with intention, I've been trying to pay attention to how my daily living contributes to this sense of waiting I've experienced nearly my entire life. I've been waiting for another time, for different circumstances, to find myself someplace other than where I am at this very moment. It occurred to me that I must be doing something in my day to day living to perpetuate this mindset. I just didn't know what it was.

So, I started paying attention.

And sure enough, through practicing mindfulness, I've become aware that I spend a good part of my time putting off what that my soul most needs, instead allowing my time and energy to be consumed with distractions.

This first became apparent to me when I started feeling frustrated that I couldn't keep up with all of the blogs that I want to read. I noticed that I would first go to the sites that I could easily scan through - or the ones I didn't have to think about too much when reading. And sometimes, that's okay. Sometimes, I just need to look at pretty pictures or to laugh a little. So, I'd put off reading the sites that really matter to me, telling myself that I would come back to them when I had a little more time, when I could really stop and soak up what they were offering, or when I could take the time or have my hands free to comment.

And then, I noticed that this was happening every single day. I noticed hat my RSS feed was sometimes showing dozens of unread posts on these sites that I love so much. And then I noticed that I never seemed to have the time that I was hoping to have - to really stop and read, to truly think and reflect, or to type out a few words in a comment. So, I would then either just skim through the posts, not really giving them the attention I had hoped to. Or, I would just click "mark all as read" to make that glaringly large number of unread posts disappear.

So, day after day, this was happening. I was spending a good bit of the time that I had for reading blogs on sites that didn't even matter that much to me. And totally missing so many good things that were right in front of me.

And then, I was a bit horrified to discover that this was happening in lots of different places in my life. I looked at the stacks of books lying around our house, the ones I have been letting sit there until I had time to slowly read and absorb them - all the while skimming through others just to confirm that I wouldn't want them later before I donated them to someone who would put them to good use. I realized that I had dozens of emails in my inbox waiting for replies, ones that deserved a thorough and thoughtful response. Instead of trying to answer one or two a day, I focused first on ones that I could quickly reply too, leaving the ones that probably most needed my attention unanswered, sometimes for weeks. Those are just a few examples. Trust me, I could go on and on.

It's no wonder that I feel like I've spent most of my days waiting for something other than what is right in front of me. Because this is in fact what I have been doing each and every day.

Sigh.

But now I'm paying attention. I still have a good bit of inner work to do to uncover why I seem to measure my self-worth by productivity and how many items I can manage to check off of my to-do list. But, in the meantime, I need to act. So, I'm trying to be conscious of shortening my lists - to only write down what I realistically think I can accomplish in one day. I'm taking a lesson from Karen Maezen Miller over at Cheerio Road, a dedicated monotasker. And I'm putting first things first.

It's a start. And right now, I need to start someplace.

Do you have any habits hanging around that are hindering your growth? What helps you to change these deeply rooted patterns?

show + tell tuesday

When I started the portfolio project, one of the things I wanted to do was to get myself into the habit of paying attention to the ways that I incorporate creativity into my daily living. In an effort to keep myself accountable for doing this, and to share some of the fun things I'm working on, I plan on starting a new feature for this space - show + tell tuesday. So, here we go! These are a few of the things I've been having fun with this week.

Heather Bailey pincushion + setting up my new machine

For quite some time, I've been wanting to learn to use a sewing machine. A lovely new fabric shop and sewing lounge - fleur fabrics - opened here in the city not too long ago. The talented owner, Jenny, offers a number of really fun classes, so I decided to just go ahead and sign up for one. She's a really fantastic teacher - super patient with a beginner like me! Next up is a class on making a stuffed lamb for Thea, and then I might try the cloth diaper class she offers. If you're local, and you haven't stopped in, you absolutely must go check out the gorgeous space and beautiful fabrics. Click here for the fleur fabrics blog and more information about classes.

onesies + baby t-shirts

A friend's baby shower was this weekend, so I decided to try my hand at decorating a onesie and side-snap t-shirt for her gift. I used the Sukie Iron-on Craft Pad for the designs. I did a bit of practicing, and it was fairly easy to do once I had done a few samples.

cupcake paper carnation

Once I made those onesies, I tried a new project prettily wrapping up my friend's gift - a cupcake paper carnation to top the package. The idea was Martha Stewarts, although the instructions I followed didn't quite work, so I had to adapt them to get the look I was going for. It was fairly easy to do - I used a couple sizes of cupcake papers and a tiny brad to arrange the flower "petals" and attach it to the ribbon. Viola!

vegetarian minestrone soup

Because Thea has a number of suspected food allergies, John and I have had to get a bit creative with our menus. Right now, dairy, eggs, soy, peanuts, and chocolate are all "forbidden foods." For the holidays, John gave me a yummy cookbook, and this soup recipe has been one of my favorites. It's a good way to get a good mix of vegetables, protein, and carbs into my diet. The first time I made the recipe, I didn't have the exact ingredients on hand, so I improvised. The results were so good, that I've continued to use my adapted recipe each time I've made the soup.

How have you been expressing your creativity this week?

If you're up for sharing, leave me a link so I can see what you've been up to!

grateful monday

a little bit of winter

Another Monday, and there is so much to be grateful for, both big and small.

I am grateful for stove-popped popcorn (and my handsome man making it for me).

I am grateful for new friendships.

I am grateful for a chance of snow.

I am grateful for a chance to sleep in.

I am grateful that my vulnerability is greeted with gentleness and open arms.

I am grateful for baby teeth finally breaking through.

I am grateful for music that moves me to tears.

I am grateful for courageous friends who inspire me.

I am grateful for hope.

I am grateful for the new beginning that each morning delivers.

I am grateful for long, romantic kisses.

I am grateful for nightly appreciations.

I am grateful for 9 months of loving on my sweet girl. Did you know she smells delicious?

On this cold Monday, what are you feeling grateful for?

growth

9 months
18 lbs, 15 ounces
29  inches
(and 5 teeth!)

Happy birthday, my love.

{And, if you want to see how my husband made me cry tonight, click here.}

stumbling onward

firing the kiln & finished color samples

When I began the portfolio project, my intention was to focus on both my writing and a new concept for my jewelry, and to try to be mindful about carving out some space for creativity in my life each and every day. Going, in, I knew that I wouldn't be able to work on my jewelry each day, or even be able to complete some of the writing I wanted to do in one sitting. Such is life with an infant on the verge of toddlerhood, and with a husband who is busy, busy, busy launching his new business. Large (or even medium) blocks of uninterrupted time simply do not exist. I anticipated that I would try to write for this space a bit each day, with the intention of posting two or three more substantial essays in addition to my grateful monday and photo friday posts. I hoped to just let the words flow and to push through despite my battles with self-doubt, which often hold me back or cause me to over-think. In the end, it usually takes me a ridiculously long time to hit the "publish" button. These two outlets are things my heart has been holding onto for a long time, and this project seemed like just the nudge I needed to get me moving.

In one of her amazing podcasts, Jen Lee talks about the reasons that many of us are playing the portfolio project game. She talks about the three categories that most of us fall into - to get to a place where our art is financially sustainable, those of us who need the skill or mastery of our art gained through doing the portfolio project, and those of us who simply need the portoflio project as a gift to ourselves. For my project, I hoped to become practiced in a new technique - enameling - for my jewelry. My writing and my other daily creative pursits were simply a gift to myself, something my heart desperately needs.

I had my first chance to work on my jewelry last weekend, and it quickly became clear that this piece of my  project was not going to play out how I had envisioned it. I had planned to work on experimenting with enameling at least one to two days per week - a few hours on the weekend when John could be with Thea, and on Thursdays when my mom comes over to see her granddaughter. So, on Sunday, I fired up my kiln and got to work. And I worked for a couple of hours, firing several color samples, most with great success. And in the process, the entire house ended up smelling like I had the oven on self-clean. This arrangement simply was not going to work. Sigh. If I want to continue to take my jewelry in this direction, I'm going to have to find childcare for several hours a week. And I'm probably going to have to find a studio. Pronto.

These realizations have brought up some heavy emotions, and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it all. I'm guessing that it won't be too challenging to find childcare, it's just not something I had planned on thinking about right now. But even bigger than figuring out the logistics are the emotions of having someone that I don't know take care of my baby girl. Since she came home from the NICU, I've only spent a few hours away from her at a time, and when I've been away, she's always been in the care of family. I feel a tremendous amount of anxiety just thinking about it. I'm wondering if this is really the right time to be learning more complicated new techniques and incorporating them into my jewelry line - if I should just wait until she is a tad older. It makes me feel guilty to think of having someone else take care of her so that I can pursue my creative work. I'm trying to sort through all of these emotions and determine what is best for Thea and if I'm projecting the anxiety and fear I feel about learning a new medium and focusing on my business again onto my worries about childcare. I know that it's normal to feel some big emotions when contemplating this type of transition, but I feel rather stuck with it. I didn't expect to have to be thinking about this right now.

I also feel hijacked by the money aspect of this transition. It feels like one thing for me to squeeze in time for myself or for my creative work when we can make it work, but I really struggle with paying someone to take care of our daughter while I take this time. It makes me feel so much pressure to master this new technique and start selling my work instead of just enjoying the learning process and the experimentation that comes with teaching myself something new. And I am aware that this pressure is entirely self-imposed, as my sweet husband has been encouraging me to do this for months, with no expectation of us gaining any income from my work, or even that I would make enough money to cover the cost of Thea's care.

Thinking about this really brings up my ongoing struggles in feeling confident in the ways that I contribute to our family. This is something that I really struggled with when I left my full-time job in December of 2006, not having any idea of what the future would bring. This is a deep and dark well for me, working through for quite some time. I hate how it seems to completely stall my creative process at times, and it makes me feel really insecure about the what I do produce. I hate how easily it is for me to disvalue my work if it is not created with the intention to sell, or if it doesn't sell once I put it out into the world. I hate the shameful feelings that arise when I write about the effect money has on my work.

This post did not at all turn out the way it thought it would when I started writing. There is much more to say - so many other emotions that have surfaced and insights gained, but for now, I feel like I need to pause. If you're still reading, thank you. Thank you so much for reading my words, for witnessing my journey.

photo friday + a brief project update

My head is swirling, filled with so many things - the portfolio project - what it is evolving into for me and what it is teaching me about myself - and all of the insights I'm gaining into my life simply by choosing to be more aware as I walk through my days.

Lately, I feel like I've been getting stuck in the logistics of actually making this project happen. The first week almost felt easy. It seemed that I had plenty of time to write - both in this space and in my personal journal. I was a bit amazed at the ease of how it was coming together. And even though I hadn't been able to work on my new ideas for my jewelry, I had some time scheduled to make that happen.

And then, it all seemed to fall apart.

That time I had scheduled for play was somehow eaten up by other jewelry projects I had committed to. Thea started cutting 4 teeth at once and, at the same time, had an icky reaction to a new food we had introduced. Her sleep started to become inconsistent once again, and the time I had planned to work on my writing and jewelry was suddenly needed for the simple act of rest. And the dog. Don't even get me started about how surely the dog has been plotting to drive me mad. Then there's the reality of my husband working so hard to launch his new business and the flexibility of schedule it requires. And of course, there are always the everyday things like laundry, diapers, tidying, preparing food and actually sitting down to eat. I started to think that I was crazy for taking on this project with a little baby, with nursing, and the challenges we have faced and with so little rest anyway.

But enough about that. I really don't want to spend too much time writing about those kinds of obstacles. You see, I have been so utterly and completely amazed at what I have been learning about myself in the couple of short weeks since starting this project. And, it is becoming quite clear that those logistical hiccups are really only a small part of what stalls my movement. What I'm learning - most of all - is that my biggest struggles are not limited to one part of my life or another (of course!) - that they are always there, manifesting themselves in various disguises so that I won't recognize them.  It is becoming so clear that the fears that follow me around are present all of the time - whether it is in my creative work, my mothering, my relationship with my husband, my family or my friends. They are sneaky, those fears.

{In an attempt to keep this post somewhat short of a novel, and because I just want to have something about what I am experiencing posted, I'm going to try to break it down and write about the specifics of what I am learning and the fears I am uncovering in a few posts throughout the next week.}

But I will say this. Each day of this project has been a practice in being kinder to myself. So many things are bubbling to the surface, and I am seeing myself more clearly than I have in a long, long time. It feels similar to when I was working with my life coach, preparing to leave my full-time job and leap into the unknown.  Except now, I am feeling much more compassion for myself - I am feeling much more accepting of those vulnerable places in my heart.

There will be more to follow. I am even going to start working on another post right now.

For now, here are a few moments from my week:

 

Be well, friends. I hope you have a lovely (and warm!) weekend.

 

grateful monday

the loveliness of winter

On this Monday, I am grateful for so many things...

I am grateful for time with family.

I am grateful for a new keyboard for my MacBook.

I am grateful for naps (especially the ones that the wee girl takes).

I am grateful for sunshine after a rainy week.

I am grateful for time to express my creativity.

I am grateful for insight.

I am grateful for yummy treats.

I am grateful for friendship.

I am so, so grateful for love, which makes my life so much sweeter.

What are you feeling grateful for today?

grateful monday

 

sweet little pine cones

I am grateful for hand-me-down baby clothes.

I am grateful for the opportunity to repay a bit of the kindness shown to John and I before and after Thea's birth.

I am grateful for a new toilet that flushes.

I am grateful for sticky rice with mango.

I am grateful for hand holding on date night.

I am classic inspiration.

I am grateful for gentle nudges.

I am grateful for quiet time for self-reflection, for moments of insight, for the sighs of the soul that come from being understood.

What are you feeling grateful for today?