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« grateful monday | Main | write now. »

July 16, 2009

Comments

Kate

Thank you for sharing that with us Nicole. I have felt these feelings too in the past. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I have no advice or anything to offer you other than someone who understands. Kate

Tanya

Thanks for sharing, Nikole. You don't have to do it, truly, but your honesty and insight inspires me to live my life in a more open and giving way. I have no advice, too, but I am sending you good thoughts on this journey ... and fewer bumps in the road (for goodness sake!). If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, you have to be one of the strongest people out there. You are doing your best, always, and Thea is so very lucky to have you for a mom!

Cheryl

Oh Nikole, what an ordeal you have been through...bodily and emotionally. Am so sorry to have been absent when perhaps you could have used an ear.

Glad to hear you are emerging...what a delicate balance we are as beings...here's hoping the lows will be relenting to well-deserved highs.

Peace and love.

Megan

Nikole! Thank you for sharing this; I am so happy you have found help and are working toward peace again. I'm going through a similar sort of issue and talking to a therapist has been really helpful in addition to medication. My thoughts are with you! Many hugs!

lydia

Just wanted to send some love... hang in there, Nikole!

serenity

*hug* I've been thinking of you, and wondering how you were doing.

This space will ALWAYS be your own, and whatever you want to share with us, we're here to listen. And cheer you on.

Hugs and love. I'm happy to hear that you're focused on taking care of yourself.

xxx

Kate

*hug* Much love and hugs to you Nikole. I also have PPD soI understand how you are feeling.

Kate

Kristin

Hi Nikole - Reading your post reminded me of one of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes from her book Traveling Mercies. She's talking about grief, but I think it holds true for any strong emotions/challenges we face.

"The depth of feeling continued to surprise and threaten me, but each time it hit again and I bore it . . . I would discover that it hadn't washed me away."

The rest of the passage is beautiful, but I had this one posted on my wall during much of my postpartum period. Even throughout the strongest currents, we continue to move forward, loving those around us and doing the best we can with what's available to us in any given moment.

You're a wonderfully courageous woman. xo Kristin

sharon

Bless your heart nikole, so sorry to hear things have been so rough. You continue to be a wonderful mother and will tredge through this, guided by the love for your daughter and family. Thank you for your honesty and commitment. peace-Sharon

Emily

Hi Nikole,

Thanks for sharing your story. You're a brave woman. Anxiety is a real pain; I've had my share of struggles with it, too. I eventually got to the point where I had to intellectually detach my anxiety from my emotions, and attempt to view my anxiety like I would a toothache or a broken bone. The anxiety was a physical problem, not an emotional problem, caused by some kind of inner hormonal imbalance (I have super-sensitive hormones), but the anxiety wasn't "me." I wasn't defined by my anxiety, any more than a cancer patient is not defined by her cancer. While that didn't necessarily make my anxiety any less, it did make me view it differently, thus making it emotionally easier to handle, even when my anxiety-fueled emotions were all over the place.

All that said, anxiety really is a royal pain, and I'm glad you're finding ways to cope. When my anxiety was at its worst, I was so grateful for my daughter (even while I felt guilty for being so anxious and not giving her as much attention as I wanted to). She gave me something else to think about, and her needs and her laughter gave me a reprieve from the intensity of my anxiety, even if the reprieve was only momentary. I hope being with Thea is a similar salve for your anxious soul.

I don't know how long your anxiety will last, Nikole, but it won't last forever. I hope you start really feeling better soon. God bless you!

~ Emily

docgrumbles

wishing you strength

Kelly

you're the best, Nikole. Your honesty is so beautiful. I have been in some ugly places inside myself so I truly hope you get to catch your breath soon...you have been through so much.
love ya!

suzanne

may you find rest and recovery, balance and strength, good spaces and places for your heart to heal. know that we are lifting up good thoughts, sending you good energy, and hoping for the better days ahead. the sun will shine through the darker days.

peace.

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